Wednesday, December 30, 2009
So, no one should have to view the paleness that is me in a New Years dress. With this in mind, I decided that a spray tan would be the perfect solution (being that I'm making a serious effort these days to NOT get skin cancer.) So, I make the appointment for after work yesterday and headed over there well aware of the uncomfortableness ahead of me. Not only is it not fun to stand half naked in front of a stranger, but it's even worse when it's someone you used to work with. I told her I was going for a pretty natural tan- considering i'm blond and pretty fair skinned to begin with. After she finished the application she had me stand in a standup bed for 3 mins to dry. While in there, I held onto the poles to keep my arms away from my sides. Unknown to me, these poles were covered in spray tan solution from other people. Today my hands look like i've been playing in clay. As for the rest of my body? I just got back from Brazil.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
During my five-year college reunion in May, I snuck into my old fraternity house, which at the time was being used as some sort of community service dorm. As I wandered about taking pictures, a student approached and asked politely, “Excuse me, who are you?” Instinctively, I turned around and yelled menacingly, “Who the fuck are YOU?” The girl scurried off, but the incident made me introspective. Here I am, twenty-seven years old, with a relatively successful career, regular car insurance payments, and pillowcases that match my comforter. Yet at the same time, I can’t drink one beer without drinking twenty, I can’t converse with a girl without trying to take her home, and I can’t even step foot in a fraternity house without immediately regressing into an asshole. While college is many years behind me, vestiges of the experience remain deeply ingrained in my personality. Welcome to the world of a recovering frat boy.
Of course, I’m not the only one. There’s an entire faction of twenty-somethings out there who live seemingly mature lives - but only to the naked eye. Take my friend Mike, a successful software developer in New York whose downtown apartment has actually been passed down for years to successive generations of graduates from his fraternity like an off-campus party house. Or my buddy Justin, a writer here in L.A. who is looking to move to a new place - but has yet to find one big enough to fit his beer pong table. Unfortunately for him, “Hardwood floor quickly soaks up cheap beer” is generally not an amenity typically found on Craigslist.
Recovering frat boys aren’t required to have ever been Greek. In fact, they don’t even have to be boys. On average, every other Evite I received from girls over the past year has been for some sort of elaborate costume/theme party that reminds me of sophomore year. If you’re a strong, independent woman in her mid-twenties who is still throwing parties entitled Pimps & Hos, Forties & Hos, or Golf Pros & Tennis Hos, you are most definitely a recovering frat boy. Dressed like a whore.
To me, the phrase, “Let’s grab a drink” is both the rallying cry and secret password of the recovering frat boy movement. For some reason, no one uses that phrase until they’ve graduated college, and then they use it so frequently that it becomes virtually devoid of meaning. If you really think about it, you only actually grab a drink with about ten percent of the people you say that to. Of that ten percent, most think you literally want to have a solitary cocktail and exchange pleasantries or discuss current events (these people are often married or lawyers). The remainder - who you quickly recognize as kindred spirits - take “grab a drink” to mean “play beer pong and find that party where chicks are dressed as tennis hos.
Why is it, then, that so many of us, whether subconsciously or not, have adopted this quasi-Peter Pan lifestyle? These days, it’s no longer, “I won’t grow up.” It’s more like, “OK, I’ll grow up, as long as I can still throw up once a weekend.” I think the answer is simple: because we can. The world is changing. Getting married in your twenties is no longer the norm; in fact, those unfortunate souls who do are now outcasts, scorned and shunned, spit on and kicked to the side of the road by the rest of us single folk. And that means we now have more time to live our lives the way we want to and, most importantly, have evolved the ability to do so while still excelling in the adult world. People ask me all the time how long I can continue calling myself a recovering frat boy. Those people are usually sober and annoying. And my response is always the same: “Who the fuck are you?”
I recently met a chick a few years older than me and we got to talking. She mentioned that before moving to where I live, West Hollywood, she had lived in Malibu for ten years. As she continued, I got distracted because I realized that I have never done anything for ten years, let alone live in the same place. I think that’s another important aspect of recovering frat boy culture: transience. We are always on the move because we’re not ready to be held down. This can be both exciting and annoying (who wants to keep finding room for that beer pong table?). For me, though, it’s heartening to know that whatever city I’m in, I can always find friends and fans who like to work hard and play harder, often to the point of blacking out, sometimes while dressed as a golf pro or tennis ho. To you I say, “Let’s grab a drink.”
by Aaron Karo, courtesy of P.A.P.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
So, It snowed! We generally don't get much snow other than the occasional ice storm here in Greensboro.. so 4 or 5 inches felt like a blizzard! Yesterday started the beginning of "last-minute-shopping-palooza." I have just a few more things to pick up and then I will officially be done... phew. With three days to spare! It was a baking and crafting weekend at the Bliss house, complete with baked goodies for co workers and friends and even hand painted ornaments. Come onnnn Christmas!
I have been listening to "Winter Song" for like three days straight and can't stop. It's such a pretty song!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Over the years, we've discovered quite a few unknown talents. I've made bowling pin snowmen, light bulb snowmen ornaments, oil paintings, picture collages to name a few. Oh, and not to mention that wierd phase I went through where I did a hand drawing of everyone's house for them. Lack of creativity? I think so.
This year, I picked my Grama. She will be receiving a hand painted decorative plate with a picture of her and I in the center.
You need craft ideas? I'm your gal.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
1.) Take one too many shots RIGHT before you're going to perform a dance routine in front of your entire group of coworkers and bosses.
2.) Steal the microphone from the DJ when Apple Bottom Jeans comes on and proceed to rap the entire song.
3.) Perculate. And even better, have a perculator dance off. Especially when you only have one move to compete with.
4.) Use the "Brent-head" to pose with in pictures. It is NEVER a good idea to give kisses to a paper cut out of your bosses head... and an even worse idea when you catch his wife watching you do it.
5.) Tell the entire party someone has stolen your camera- to then find out it has been in your pocket all along.
OH and PS- We totally won the talent show! Woop Woop!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Tonight is our company Christmas party... themed "Entercom's got Talent." Oh yes. There is a talent show portion. Of course, I couldn't pass up THAT opportunity. However, being that my only given talent in front of a crowd is to stand and look akward, reinforcements were needed. There are 7 girls doing what we call an "Entercom Re-mix." It's a mash up of songs to represent our 6 radio stations. It's goes a little like this:
Oh Happy Day-
Boot Scootin Boogie-
We have been dancing our butts off every day for about two weeks to get it right. There is some comedic relief through out the routine that surely will win us the $500 1st place prize. The best part is that no one knows we've been working on this... oh well, and the fact that our 70 something year old receptionist (mentioned in a previous post, "crazy Connie") will be doing the single ladies dance along with us.
Look out co workers. We got this.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
We spent the Thanksgiving holiday in New York where my entire family on both sides lives. I'm pretty sure that they thought my mom and I were crazy for being excited over snow, when they get so much of it every winter. It was a quick turn around trip for a 12 hour drive, but it was worth it to see family I haven't seen in about 6 years.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The old lady looked surprised, but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
The old lady still said nothing, but after a couple minutes, she started
digging down in her purse. She pulled out a wrinkled $20 bill and held it
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," said the old man.
"Get serious," she replied. "Four times in the rocking chair."
Okay, Okay. I'll admit. I have a bit of a weird style at times and find myself picking up some pretty random accent pieces (i.e. when I insisted that if the celebs could wear hippy head bands, so could I.) So i found myself picking up this little plaid hat to rock. I like it. And yes, my coworkers will most likely make fun of me when I wear it on Friday to make a difference day, but maybe I will start a new trend. And hey, atleast my ears will be warm.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred
to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter
from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of
you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to
leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that
in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and
costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were...
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the
clerks passed out.
It was a fun weekend in Richmond for Erin's Birthday. She and her husband ran an 8k on Saturday morning while Sean and I cuddled and played with his trucks. We got some shopping in and then were served a gourmet meal by my brother-in-law. He slaved away in the kitchen all day and produced some amazing Chicken parmesan, pasta, and home made garlic bread- Topped off with cheesecake from the Cheese Cake factory. We went out to a dueling piano bar called The Beachhouse- which was so random because the piano player was actually the same piano player I saw here in Greensboro last weekend at Coyotes. There were shots, mixed drinks and plenty of beer going around to produce what can only be described as nothing short of Ellen Degeneres dance moves on stage by my sister's friend, Tara. No, seriously- after using a bar stool as a guitar she had a fan club. The only downside? The 3 hour drive home yesterday completely hungover.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I have developed a new obsession with taking pictures. And not just the typical magnet head, pouty lipped pictures that seem to be the norm of any random night out. Like, obscure- not-your-run-of-the-mill kind of pics. I'd like to take a class... but first things first, I need a better camera. I'm asking for one for Christmas, but don't know the first thing about which one I should get. Any suggestions?
I'm going to Richmond this weekend to celebrate my sister's *gasp* 29th birthday. It feels like just yesterday, she was pushing me around and telling me what to do. Well, on second thought, that WAS yesterday :) I kid, I kid. My sister is my best friend- the good kind of friend that you know can't get rid of you when you do things that are stupid. I get to see THE cutest nephew in the world, Sean...and actually will have my first Jenn/Sean alone experience on Saturday.. dun dun dun. We all know my diaper changing abilities are far from perfection. Don't worry, E, I'll try not to teach Sean cuss words or how to sneak out of the house. I'll save that for when he's older.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Okay, so, I was at the grocery store today picking up some goodies for Holly while she’s out- and ran across these.. “Laura’s Wholesome Junk Food.. Oatmeal Raisin Bite-lettes.”And they’re all natural and cholesterol free.
Ahhhmazing. No, Seriously- like I’m-in-love-with-this-party-in-my-mouth kind of good. That’s right. I said party in mouth, pervert.
Quite the understatement here. I am without make up, hair in a ball on top of my head.. no earrings to speak of.. but my redeeming feature? Oh yeah. My apple bottom jeans. BUahhaha.
Please sense the sarcasm here. I do not in fact pride myself on my apple bottom jeans. nor do I wear boots with fur. They were on sale. and they make my ass look phenomenal. Deal okay.