Sunday, November 22, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The old lady looked surprised, but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
The old lady still said nothing, but after a couple minutes, she started
digging down in her purse. She pulled out a wrinkled $20 bill and held it
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," said the old man.
"Get serious," she replied. "Four times in the rocking chair."
Okay, Okay. I'll admit. I have a bit of a weird style at times and find myself picking up some pretty random accent pieces (i.e. when I insisted that if the celebs could wear hippy head bands, so could I.) So i found myself picking up this little plaid hat to rock. I like it. And yes, my coworkers will most likely make fun of me when I wear it on Friday to make a difference day, but maybe I will start a new trend. And hey, atleast my ears will be warm.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred
to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter
from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of
you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to
leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that
in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and
costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were...
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the
clerks passed out.
It was a fun weekend in Richmond for Erin's Birthday. She and her husband ran an 8k on Saturday morning while Sean and I cuddled and played with his trucks. We got some shopping in and then were served a gourmet meal by my brother-in-law. He slaved away in the kitchen all day and produced some amazing Chicken parmesan, pasta, and home made garlic bread- Topped off with cheesecake from the Cheese Cake factory. We went out to a dueling piano bar called The Beachhouse- which was so random because the piano player was actually the same piano player I saw here in Greensboro last weekend at Coyotes. There were shots, mixed drinks and plenty of beer going around to produce what can only be described as nothing short of Ellen Degeneres dance moves on stage by my sister's friend, Tara. No, seriously- after using a bar stool as a guitar she had a fan club. The only downside? The 3 hour drive home yesterday completely hungover.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I have developed a new obsession with taking pictures. And not just the typical magnet head, pouty lipped pictures that seem to be the norm of any random night out. Like, obscure- not-your-run-of-the-mill kind of pics. I'd like to take a class... but first things first, I need a better camera. I'm asking for one for Christmas, but don't know the first thing about which one I should get. Any suggestions?
I'm going to Richmond this weekend to celebrate my sister's *gasp* 29th birthday. It feels like just yesterday, she was pushing me around and telling me what to do. Well, on second thought, that WAS yesterday :) I kid, I kid. My sister is my best friend- the good kind of friend that you know can't get rid of you when you do things that are stupid. I get to see THE cutest nephew in the world, Sean...and actually will have my first Jenn/Sean alone experience on Saturday.. dun dun dun. We all know my diaper changing abilities are far from perfection. Don't worry, E, I'll try not to teach Sean cuss words or how to sneak out of the house. I'll save that for when he's older.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Okay, so, I was at the grocery store today picking up some goodies for Holly while she’s out- and ran across these.. “Laura’s Wholesome Junk Food.. Oatmeal Raisin Bite-lettes.”And they’re all natural and cholesterol free.
Ahhhmazing. No, Seriously- like I’m-in-love-with-this-party-in-my-mouth kind of good. That’s right. I said party in mouth, pervert.
Quite the understatement here. I am without make up, hair in a ball on top of my head.. no earrings to speak of.. but my redeeming feature? Oh yeah. My apple bottom jeans. BUahhaha.
Please sense the sarcasm here. I do not in fact pride myself on my apple bottom jeans. nor do I wear boots with fur. They were on sale. and they make my ass look phenomenal. Deal okay.